my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
