He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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