whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
