I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
