I'm so fucking centered right now
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
