I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize