It's a beautiful day for a hangover
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
How's work?
Spinning.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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