I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
