You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
