Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
