You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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