I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
