omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
the gays at disneyland are vicious
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
