i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
