she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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