im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
