He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
