I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
