If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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