you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
