i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
