I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
