omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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