3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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