Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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