girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
