Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
