Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
