you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize