i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
