This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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