it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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