our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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