i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
