i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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