I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize