someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
