it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
