Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
