he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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