Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
