Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
