but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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