The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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