I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Randomize
