I should be sponsored by Trojan
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
