I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
