Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
