I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
