AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
