smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
