I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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