Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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