I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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