just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
