I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize