Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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