and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
