No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
