You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
