Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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