I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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