I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
