He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
