im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
