I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize