But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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