My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
