I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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