Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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