Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Randomize
