how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Randomize
